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Robert, Bruce, Butch

I am Robert Bruce Butch Johnston.

I am a Zipper Resolver, I am on a path, and I will go to wherever it takes me: I am being guided.

I have undone projects, projects that I didn’t complete. And it all goes back to my father.

The Buddhist path goes back to my mother. I learned to live with that path.

I live inside my head, seeing both inside and outside. Inside, I attend; outside, I attend. In Signpost, outside will be the inside of my apartment with its many symbols.

So I begin again, to continue on, the path that hopefully leads to a fairly coherent story that correlates well with reality.

What really happened? I don’t know. In Signpost I can only say what I saw, what I think happened – not what really happened. I am the deluded type and what I saw has changed in my mind over time.

There is a phase, the expansion phase, that so easily moves to fantasy, to projects undone, to paths not taken, and so often to delusion (certainty).

Then I wake up, and find myself in the middle again. I look around: What do I keep? What do I leave behind? I reorganize, I clean up. And in the process things are found, things are lost. So I begin again.

My mother said “Do it your own God dammed way”. My way is the God Damned way, yet it is the only way I have.

One time, when I was about seven years old, I found myself sitting on the floor crying, crying as I listened to a record of Gene Autry singing. My mother came into the room, and I asked: “Why does this music make me cry?” A shocked look crossed her face, and she said “My God! He has feelings!” and hurried out of the room without saying anything to me.

My sister said my father told her: “He was born evil”.

  • I am a clever word-smith, a word-smith who has used words to entertain, deceive, persuade, convince – even myself.

  • I am a chameleon, I fit myself to others if I can.

  • I am a pilot, a technician, and an engineer.

  • I am not territorial because I live in the territory of others

  • I am adaptable, I follow. I am not a goal oriented person, yet I do have goals. My goals are immediate and changing.

  • Long term, I follow relationships.

  • I wasn’t well socialized as a child. Yet I did learn to survive. I can, and am, still learning.

  • I am a poet, I find a pattern and fill it with my own content.